It's been another weird week of football, from turmeric sponsors to live streams of pocket linings.
Manchester United’s marketing team must have been having a day off this week.
Well, it was either that or a brave new strand of fan engagement as the global football brand (or club as some of us used to call them) somehow managed to broadcast a live stream on their official Instagram page from inside someone’s trouser pocket!
An incredible THIRTY-SEVEN THOUSAND PEOPLE people watched the action unfold live via social media as we appeared to hear (muffled by the sound of some nylon slacks) the United social media admin microwave his lunch proving as if there was ever any doubt, exactly how bored people are during Lockdown.
Ultimately it may be just a video of the inside of someone’s pocket but I’d still wager it got more views than when the Premier League charged £15 to watch West Brom vs Burnley on Pay Per View!
The other big mistake from the Manchester United machine (off the football pitch that is – where do we start on it?) was their failure to secure a Turmeric Sponsor. Ed Woodward is a man who loves a deal and in his time at the club has managed to secure official Noodle, Paint and Lubricant Partners (Really!) so I’m sure he will have been feeling like he missed a real trick when Swansea City announced that they have signed up The Turmeric Co as their official Turmeric sponsor… what a THYME to be alive!
Not only is this potentially the most middle-class sponsorship deal to have ever landed in football but it also got the Week Foot team thinking… if football clubs were spices, which spices would they be???
West Ham could be Fennel: Sounds far more exciting than it is. Usually, disappoints and often leaves a funny taste in the mouth.
Manchester United would probably be Saffron: Stupidly expensive and you usually end up wondering what you actually paid for.
Whilst Newcastle could be Paprika: Offensive to the senses if consumed in large quantities and adds something a little spicy to training sessions.
The latter was certainly true this week as Newcastle’s on-field woes were added to off the field with a training ground bust-up between winger Matt Ritchie and boss man Steve Bruce after the former called the latter a “Coward”.
Although you might be forgiven for thinking that big Brucie could handle himself in a fight you might want to think again. No man with a nose that’s been hit that many times can be genuinely any good in a punch up!
The argument was sparked from Bruce’s accusation that Richie had failed to pass on vital tactical information after coming on as a sub that led to the Geordies conceding an equaliser against Wolves. You can see why Bruce was angry. I’m sure it would have been a totally different outcome had the message of “don’t concede here lads” filtered through to his team. Although equally, you also can’t rule our the manager getting a little muddled along the way and accidentally handing his player his breakfast order to pass on instead.
Fellow relegation strugglers Sheffield United had marginally better news this week after picking up a win against a Jack Grealish-less Aston Villa – who are doing nothing to dispel the whole “One Man Team” tag they’ve acquired.
The victory means that the Blades have now acquired 14 points this season, 3 more than Derby county managed in their 2007/08 and this avoiding the tag of “Worst Premier League Team Ever”.
I’m not sure if I’d be a little disappointed by this. In reality, those three points will do little in terms of their relegation and in picking them up they have lost their shot at immortality by now only being the SECOND worst Premier League team ever.
Who remembers the person who was the second worse skier to Eddie The Eagle? Or who finished just ahead of Eric the Eel? Or the second worst film to The Nutty Professor? No one!
Finally at the other end of the table, and if we are going to continue the herbs and spices analogies, Manchester City continues to be MINT.
Really f**king expensive mint.
Two full bags of mint when everyone else has just one.
Mint that has been bankrolled by a rich Arab nation.
The dissenting voices who make all the above points (maybe without the mint bit) are no doubt getting louder as City romped to their 21st straight win this week and by the time you read this it could easily be 22 straight wins. Who am I kidding, by the time you read this it could be 122 straight wins!
I think its time to stop moaning and start appreciating them for what they are.
Bar the unlikely miracle of the club getting docked points for that terrible suit jacket Pep wore with the club logo on the back, it’s pretty likely they will win the league and maybe even the quadruple so why to let your hatred of the club spoil your enjoyment.
Forget the opposition fatigue and the global pandemic and the injuries to rivals. Forget the reasons that you think that Manchester City might be ruining football and why its all so unfair and enjoy City for what they are… a bloody good football team!
No matter what the surrounding circumstances. That alone makes them deserved champions.