An alternate look at the last seven days in the world of football.

Football just wouldn’t be football without some of its traditions.

Things like Jurgen Klopp making excuses for his team’s poor performances, Mike Dean doing something idiotic on a football field and Spurs embarrassing themselves in some way all make up the rich tapestry of the beautiful game.

Thankfully… ALL those things happened this week.

But let’s start in the league where Liverpool’s season is fast becoming a forgettable one. 

The gap at the top has now stretched to ten points after the Reds shipped FOUR to league leaders Manchester City. It wasn’t down to superior opposition though. Nor was it clever tactics that did for the Reds. It was in fact… the weather!

Whilst Pep Guardiola has seemingly, once again, proved his early-season doubters wrong with City’s turnaround, Jurgen Klopp refused to give his opposition the credit they deserved post-match instead choosing to blame the snow and goalkeeper Alisson Becker’s cold tootsies for the mistakes that led to two of City’s goals.

This isn’t the first time that Klopp has called out mother nature for her part in Liverpool’s poor form either:

On the 25th of Jan 2017 after Liverpool lost 1-0 to Southampton Klopp blamed the wind. On 21st April 2018, Liverpool drew 2-2 with West Brom and it was the fault of the dry pitch caused by warm weather. On 9th Jan 2019, it was down to the wind (again) as Liverpool lost to Wolves. Then on 30th Jan 2019, it was that pesky snow once more as Klopp’s men only managed a draw vs Leicester.

*That’s not to mention the non-weather related excuses like the other team’s injury problems (vs Manchester United), TV companies cutting games short (vs West Brom), and the “Rhythm breaking referee” (vs West Ham).

Yup, Jurgen Klopp hates the climate more than Donald Trump!

With the warm, cold, wet, dry and windy all being a fault for losses its hard to work out exactly what the perfect conditions for Liverpool to play in actually are? Probably something to do with under the lights in Istanbul I’d imagine!

Whilst Liverpool were busy blaming the weather, West Ham fans were busy blaming a far more traditional target as they were dumped out of the FA Cup by Manchester United.

Some would argue that it as West Ham’s failure to buy a second striker in the January window leaving them to rely on a clearly knackered and injury-prone Michail Antonio was at least part of the reason that they failed to see off lowly Fulham in the Premier League.

Others, however, chose to find fault with referee Mike Dean, who showed an (admittedly ridiculous) red card to Hammers’ midfielder Tomas Soucek for a dubious elbow on Aleksandar Mitrovic.

The card was overturned on review but that didn’t stop the West Ham faithful from piling in on Mike Dean on social media with some even threatening the official’s LIFE for his mistake on the pitch.

That behaviour is not acceptable in football!

There is just no place for it.

Some might say we’ve come to expect it from Mike Dean, but he still doesn’t deserve that kind of abuse.

Seriously though?! In what world is it ok to send someone a death threat just because they made the wrong decision in a GAME? 

You wouldn’t tell your partner you are going to murder them in their sleep because they messed up in Cluedo and thought Miss Scarlett killed Dr Black with the candlestick in the Library and it turns out it was the wrench… is that, an okay motive?

Actually from what I remember of Cluedo, it is.

Anyway, it’s crazy.

Not as crazy however as some of the official merchandise being peddled by “massive club” Tottenham Hotspur this week.

It would appear that Spurs left the work experience in charge of their club store this week with not one but two horrific new items that no sane fan would want hitting the shelves.

First off we have the official line of club Snugzys that have been released. If you don’t know what a “Snugzy” is; it’s a cuddly toy imprinted with the image of the Tottenham Hotspur first-team squad… and it will haunt your very nightmares!

Who needs an official club shirt when you have Harry Kane’s stretched and elongated face staring down at you whilst you cry into you pillow bemoaning another terrible defensive Mourinho-ball display, eh?

Daniel Levy has done some unforgivable things at Tottenham but these monstrosities surely top the lot.

At least the club shop has started to be realistic about their ambitions, however. They’re not expecting any silverware or open-top bus parades anytime soon and so instead have decided to celebrate what they do have. 

What they do have is a Carabao Cup Final meet up with City in a few weeks and to mark the occasion the club has released some special edition “Cup Finalists” merch. 

Hilarious.

Nothing says “we have no confidence of you winning this match” like a “cup finalists” keyring. It’s the professional football equivalent of a “well done for trying” certificate at a school sports day.

If this is the route that Spurs want to go down I see no reason to stop here. Why not cash in on other very mediocre achievements in the club’s history and commemorate them in a similar way.

I personally can’t wait to get my hands on a “Highest London Club in the League” T-Shirt, a “We kept Harry Kane for another season” keyring or the much-coveted “We sacked a really good manager and replaced him with Jose Mourinho” mug.

Keep doing you Spurs, keep doing you.

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